The 6th Element Called Love

It is wonderful to see how inconspicuous things can ignite the interest of the masses in short spans of time. But then, what I am referring to might not seem “inconspicuous” to most Indians as we have a modicum of the Bollywood glitz coursing our veins. Under the scanner is the title of Imtiaz Ali’s recent release “Love Aaj Kal” (Love Today and Yesterday). As soon as the title of the movie was made public, inaudible debates started about golden age of romance. Was the love of yesterday better? Or does the love of today win hands-down? The publicity department of the movie did everythign to escalate this debate to the extent that it became a major talking point in tabloids, coffee-shopsm radio chat-shows and popular hangout spots.

Though I have been in the aforementioned debate more than once, I hereby rest my case for the masses to read and to absorb. The debate is always about the style of romance that has changed over the years. In the earlier years, the more subtle expressions of love were considered in vogue. The “oldies”, as we call the people of that time, did not believe in public display of affection (or PDA). The expression of love was confined to the privacy of the four walls of the house. Courtship was a long and slow process, with the femlae being the coy entity and the male being the dominant entity. The process of wooing the female took immense time, but not financial resources. The males were more gentleman-like, chivalrous and any female’s dream. They respected the women and treated them with extreme care and offered protection from all the evils in the world. Women were also more submissive and dependent on men for survival. Love letters were the only means of communication for couples who were apart. The postal services (or a pigeon in the movies) was the messenger of love. Letters were well thought-out and writing a letter was, in itself, an art. Entwining so many palpable emotions in a coherent letter was the target of every lover who wrote a letter to his/her other half. For the sake of brevity, we can call it the “age of patience in passion”. But then, people, at that point in history, had time at hand. The lives of people was not as fast-paced as it is today. The leisurely pace gave them ample amount of time to introspect, plan, wait and dream about the next meeting.

The current generation (my generation) is always short of time. We have lives that are much faster than the previous generation and with each passing day, the alacrity of life passes that break-neck mark revised each day. We live in ferociously fast times and patience is one trait that has been either lost or supressed for the sake of survival. As a consequence, we have lesser time for the romantic affairs. “There is no time to stop and stare”. The expressions of love have changed from subtle and sureeptitious to more candid ones. The first meeting is the make-or-break point of the relationship. The first 15 minutes are enough to decide the fate of the romantic liaison. Courtship has diminished to the asking the phone number and perhaps a “proposal” for the more fortunate ones. Flaunting ones affection for his/her lover is the new trend. How many young couples do you see in public places who are not holding hands? Very few. Technology has altered the meaning of “distance”. Postal services are out, SMS and cell-phones are in. With advancement in means of communication, separation has never been easier for two people in love. Yet, the extreme pace of it all has made it tougher for the strings to bind together. More relationships break as compared to new relationships forged. Women are more independent. they decide what they have to do with their lives. Males are still…males. In the hustle-bustle, we often miss the sublime euphoria. But, we are happy with the adrenalin rush that accompanies the short stint.

But I will not go so far as to say that love today is worse off than love yesterday. The reason is that “Love” is the 6th element of life (the other five being earth, water, fire, air and sky according to Hindu mythology). Love is immutable. From the antediluvian era to today, love has not changed in any aspect. It is still as pure as it was before the advent of humanity. What I am referring to might be better understood if I replace “Love” with “True Love”. But then, come to think of it, “True Love” is a phrase we have coined to refer to the purest form of love that exists. Amazingly, there is no other form of love. Love is a unique entity. We cannot have an “untrue” form of love. Call it “Love” or “true Love” or whatever you may, it always refers to the same set of emotions. It refers to the bond of trust between two people, the emotions they share. Both the people laugh when joy encompasses them, both cry when disaster strikes. Yet, one of them maintains the equanimity and tries to restore the smile on the other’s face. If you come to think of it, the love Adam and Eve shared, the love Romeo and Juliet shared, the love Shahjahan and Mumtaz shared is not any different from the love we share with our loved ones; it is the same. Like water and air, two essentials of life which have not altered their behaviour or composition over the years, love, the third essential of human life, has also refused change. Perhaps the tendency of the elements to remain the same is in the best interest of mankind. I cannot fathom what life would be in case love actually became the short-lived impulse which some of us, ever so naively, call love.

I agree the expression of love has changed over the years. But the invisible but unbreakable bond joining two souls has not changed, and never will. Love, the actual, pure and unadulterated version of it, though an endangered phenomenon, is alive in the hearts of those who believe in it. It does not come to those who seek adrenalin, it comes to those who wipe tears and share smiles. It does not come to those who break hearts, but to those who pray for the joy of the other with a broken heart. It does not come those who hurt others, but to those who have tears on their cheeks but a smile on their lips. And when it does come, it is the same rush of joy which Adam had felt.

Believe it or not, Love is Immutable.

How to read a love story

Most of us, at one point of time or another, have relished a love story. We have felt the passion the protagonist exudes for his beloved, we have been besotted with the beloved of the protagonist, we have witnessed the moments of intimacy that the lead characters share, we have suffered the pain of a breakup and we have shed tears when love dies a quiet death.

Love stories are a great escape for the ones who relish residing in a land of fantasies. Though the stories are usually set in reality, there is an element of fairy-tale-ish in them. The drama attached with the first meeting of characters to the climax, everything is concerted, imagined, arranged and delivered by a mind. The people who seek redemption through diffusing their own lives in such love stories are particularly unsatisfid with the current state of affairs (pun intended) in their lives. They might be facing a purple patch in the romantic aspect of life, or maybe just down on luck for a while. These people have an option of either battling the temporarily excruciating situation and survive the storm when it is at the pinnacle of its rage. On the other hand, they could shut themselves out of the real world, attach their cardiac strings with a character in a romantic story and live their dreams, crafted through the hands of another, and believe that the prescient stories depict their own sunny days.

On the other hand, the readership consists of another category of people. These are the people who have discovered the true colours of love and are willing to share the joy of others who have had similar experiences. Love per se is a beautiful and merry feeling. Most of us, if not all, must have experienced the joys of love at some point in life, maybe before marriage or thereafter. And, for the romantic souls, love stories make a great read. For them, the book is strewn with hints on how to enhance the pleasure of their love-lives. No matter how creative a person is, there are always tricks of romance that can be learned and unlearned through sources like stories. This class of readers is the one that I will address in this post.

Reading a good love story is one of the greatest feelings for those who are endowed with a deep-set romantic vigour. That is perhaps due to the fact that only a person who knows what a lemon tastes like can relate to a character who is consuming lemon! Therefore, a perons who is in love can better realize the predicaments and glories of the lead characters in the story. But there is one thing that is to be remembered while reading a love story: NOT TO COMPARE! Yes, that is the debacle which harms us the most, though we are not aware of existence of such a horrific beast in our midst. As humans, we are bestowed with a brain that surpasses all other animals and provides us a unique sense of analyzing and reasoning. As is well accepted, love stories are either a fantasy (thought out by a witty writer) or an exceptional real-life experience (that happens to one in millions). As such, the sequence of events and the description of the characters tends to a perfection which is not innate to regular love stories- your love life and my love life! But, unknowingly, caught in the clutches of imagination and fantasy, we start comparing things in the subconscious of our minds. We compare the sequence of events that form our love life to the one described in the poem, we compare our own beloved and our own selves to the characters in the story. This leads to expectations from the other as well as from ourselves. We mark out the differences and ignore the similarities. We suddenly expect more bouquets from our soulmate or we seek more adventure in our love-life; we dream about sharing a passionate moment in some setting described in the story. The problem is that we subconsciously start erasing the thin line between fiction and reality, our reality.

The mammothian blunder most of us do during entwining our life and the love story we are reading is that we expect perfection. Now, expecting perfection is the main ingredient for disaster in love-life. Being humans, our very first lesson is that nobody is perfect. Love is all about loving the other person for who he/she is, including his/her imperfections. We should love every small action they perform for us as a token of their love for us. Love is not about sending bouqeuts of flowers or kissing on the sea-shore. Love is much more than that. It is sharing the deepest emotions and the fractions of memorable moments with your beloved. And believe me, if you close your eyes and ask your heart, you will know that no character from any story can love you more deeply and more flawlessly as the person you are in love with. Your soulmate will make you feel special, not by some pulling some romantic stunt, but by simply being with you, day in and day out, in sickness and in health, in misery and in riches. The reaches of love extend far beyond any story. They are rooted in the soul, in the depths of the heart. Realize this and realize the fact that fairy-tales are only a portion of our lives. The real fairy-tale is what we live!